Maw Books

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I just finished reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl tonight and couldn’t help but quickly post the Mike Teavee song lyrics as written by Dahl (who also wrote the screenplay for the Gene Wilder version).

First half of the song omitted. This is the second half:

“All right!” you’ll cry. “All right!” you’ll say,
“But if we take the set [television] away,
What shall we do to entertain our darling children? Please explain!”
We’ll anser this by asking you,
“What used the darling ones to do?
“How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?”
Have you forgotten? Don’t you know?
We’ll say it very loud and slow:
THEY . . . USED . . . TO . . . READ? They’d READ and . . .
READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!
One half of their lives was reading books!
The nursery shelves held books galore!
Books cluttered up the nursery floor!
And in the bedroom, by the bed,
More books were waiting to be read!
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales
And treasure isles, and distant shores
Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,
And pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching ’round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be!
Good gracious, it’s Penelope.)
The Younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty totter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and -
Just How The Camel Got His Humbe,
And How The Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless by soul,
There’s Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole -
Oh, books, what books they used to know,
Those children living long ago!
So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,
Go throw your TV set away,
And in its place you can install
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
Ignoring all the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And children hitting you with sticks -
Fear not, because we promise you
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to do,
They’ll now begin to feel the need
Of having something good to read.
And once they start – oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
That fills their hearts. They’ll grow so keen
They’ll wonder what they’d ever seen
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive television screen!
And later, each and every kid
Will love you more for what you did.
P.S Regarding Mike Teavee,
We very much regret that we
Shall simply have to wait and see
If we can get him back his height
But if we can’t – it serves him right.

And for your viewing pleasure the Gene Wilder version of the Mike Teavee song:

And the Johnny Depp version of the Mike Teavee song:

Now I think I may put in the movie while I write up my review of the book.  Which movie do you like best?  And too bad those bookish lyrics didn’t make the cut for either movie.

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