An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken
An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken is a beautiful memoir. A very sad and beautiful one. The book begins, “A child dies in this book: a baby. A baby is stillborn. You don’t have to tell me how sad that is: it happened to me and my husband, our baby, a son.”
Elizabeth McCracken, a successful author, is in the ninth month of her pregnancy when she finds out that her baby has died. I can’t even imagine. As a mother, we love our children as soon as they are conceived and love them more with each passing month. At nine months we are ready to welcome them into our homes and into our hearts. To be told that our baby has died and then to still have to deliver him is something that I pray I never have to go through.
I really wish that I had marked passages of this book to share with you, the language is just gorgeous, but I couldn’t put it down to do so. I read the book in one sitting. I could turn to just about any page and its words are profound. Let’s test that.
Page 111:
No, I insist: other’s people’s children did not make me sad. But pregnant women did.
Page 40
Here’s what else we didn’t do when I was pregnant the second time.
Knock wood. Light candles. Tell ninety percent of the people we knew that I was pregnant. Have an amniocentesis. Pick up pennies. Wish on: stars, white horses, alarm clocks reading 11:11, wishbones, blown dandelion fluff. Buy baby clothes. Pick names. Find out the baby’s gender. Come up with an in utero name: the kid was “the kid” or “whoever it is” or merely the unspoken result of “if everything goes right.” Begin sentences, “After the baby’s born . . .” Toss spilled salt over left shoulders. Give a fuck about the number thirteen no matter where it showed up.
Page 150
Later I found out this was a Braxton Hicks contraction, my uterus puttering around, maybe getting read for labor, maybe not. I found out, you see, because I continued to have them even after he was irrefutably dead.
And the last page:
And now I’m thinking of that Florida lady again, the one who wanted a book about the lighter side of a child’s death, and I know: all she wanted was pleasure instead of grief. To remember that he was dead, but to remember him without pain: he’s dead but of course she still loves him, and that love isn’t morbid or bloodstained or unsightly, it doesn’t need to be shoved away.
It isn’t so much to ask.
I imagine that this memoir would hit very close to home to those mothers who have lost a child. Although infused with sadness, this book also has it’s funny moments. And a child is born. Her second. As the dust jacket says,
It is a story of true love and unfathomable sadness. It is a story of courageous recovery and bittersweet moments, of steadfast memories and deep affection. It is a story of the importance of friendship. It is a story of happiness and of hope.
I couldn’t agree more. Touching, beautiful, moving, and sad. I loved it.
Elizabeth McCracken website.
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Category: Book Reviews, Memoir/Biography, Nonfiction
Tags: E-H Title, female author, fertility, M-P Author, Non-Fiction, published 2008
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I thought this book was amazing. Her writing was beautiful and the grief and emotion was so profound – beautiful!
on February 9th, 2009 at 7:55 amFantastic review of this wonderful book, Natasha. I agree with all you said – and the language in this book is so great (I agree, open any page and there is something quotable). I have not read any other books by McCracken – but I intend to amend that one of these days. This book is one I have recommended to several people.
on February 9th, 2009 at 8:37 amI haven’t read this and I was just about to return it back to the library. Instead I’m going to read it this week. Thanks, Natasha.
on February 9th, 2009 at 8:38 amI have this one on my shelf to read soon, so I just skimmed your review. More excited to read it now! (Winter is a better time for reading books that make you cry, don’t you think?)
on February 9th, 2009 at 9:26 amI thought this book was wonderful too.
on February 9th, 2009 at 11:08 amSounds heart wrenching yet a must read. I find that these kinds of books make me so grateful for my own life and my own set of problems.
on February 9th, 2009 at 12:09 pmWow! Back to back reviews about death. I hope you are reading something on the lighter side next.
on February 9th, 2009 at 5:22 pmVery well written review and I think that is is certainly a story a lot of women can understand.
on February 9th, 2009 at 6:48 pmThere is just no way I could read this. A friend of mine and I were pregnant with our first babies at the same time, she was due about 2 months before I was. Her daughter died in the 39th week and she had to deliver a full term stillborn baby. No one told me for weeks. She now has two healthy baby girls. I can not imagine.
on February 9th, 2009 at 7:23 pmS. Krishna – It was beautiful. I would like to read more from her.
Wendy – I couldn’t put it down even though I kept seeing passages I wanted to share. So profound.
Vasilly – It really isn’t that long either. I read it in just two short sittings. You won’t regret it.
Jena – Winter is already depressing enough. I figure if you’re already crying, you might as well cry some more!
Kathy – I’m glad you liked it.
Kim – It does make you grateful. Having a baby in and of itself is a miracle. It’s amazing that more doesn’t go wrong more often.
Shelburns – I know. I don’t think I read them back to back though. Maybe something a little lighter tomorrow.
Staci – I think anybody could take something away from this book. Men, women, married, single, parent, not a parent. If you know anybody who’s had a baby or a death then you’ll walk away learning something.
Lisa – She mentioned in the book how sometimes people would ask her how her baby was that didn’t know it had died. It was very hard. I like how she didn’t know how to answer after having her second child when people asked if it was her first because it wasn’t. She loved her first just as much as the second.
on February 9th, 2009 at 7:33 pmI’m glad you enjoyed it, I’d like to read this one at some point.
on February 9th, 2009 at 9:22 pmI’m very impressed with both the reviews I’ve seen here and the response from your readers. This is one of the best blogs of its kind; well done. I haev a book I’d like to recommend — okay, I wrote it — but it seems it would be a good fit for your readership. It’s “108th Street”, a story of kids growing up in the 1950s. Love to chat with you about it if you have an interest.
on February 10th, 2009 at 7:48 amAmy – You could read it in just an afternoon. short but powerful.
Tom – Thank you for your kind words. Feel free to send me more information via my contact page. I am very overwhelmed with review copies at the moment and am being pretty picky at the moment.
on February 10th, 2009 at 8:19 amI have this on my reading list for 2009! I bought it last year when I read a review of it because several years ago I had a baby daughter die in utero two days after her due date. It was a stunning and unexpected event for our entire family, but despite the grief and pain we were so amazed and delighted at God’s work through all of that time.
Part of the reason I’m looking forward to reading this, I guess, is to revisit a few of my own memories, but also to experience that commonness of humanity through another woman’s life.
Thanks for reviewing it!
on February 14th, 2009 at 8:42 amThis happened to me. I was eight months pregnant, and no one ever knew what caused the death of my baby. I’m not sure whether reading this book would be cathartic or just too difficult. I might try it.
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on December 30th, 2009 at 9:25 pm