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When I read a review from Heather over at Book Addiction for Immaculee Ilibagiza’s Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust, I knew that I had to read it and soon. So thank you Heather because this book was unbelievable. I’ll start off by saying that everybody should take the time to read this book. Simply amazing, life affirming, and life changing.

I never cry when I read books. I normally don’t get that emotionally attached to the characters and story because I know that I’m reading fiction and it’s all made up. I think I distance myself on purpose. Left to Tell, however is 100% real, which is why it’s so heartbreaking. I admit that I was doing well in the crying department until I saw a photo of Immaculee’s little eight month old cousin, who was slaughtered during the three month long genocide in 1994 in Rwanda. Having small children myself I can’t imagine how people could kill innocent men, women, and children just because their government said they should. I finished reading this book a few days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve put off writing a review about it because I’m really not sure how to process everything I read.

So what is this book about? Immaculee Illibagiza lives in Rwanda and loves her life. She does well in school, has a wonderful family whom she loves dearly, has a nice home, and her parents are active in their community. Racism and prejudice is not a way of life for them. In fact, when she goes to school she’s never heard of the words Tutsi or Huti and doesn’t even know which one she is. Her family is religious and they pray together as a family every night. At the age of 24, while in college on a scholarship, Immaculee’s world is torn apart as Rwanda experiences a brutal and very bloody genocide, as the Hutu’s attempt to take control of the government by eradicating more than a million Tutsi’s.

To avoid being raped and killed, Immaculee hides in the small bathroom of a local Hutu pastor with SEVEN other women for THREE months. It’s so cramped that they have to sit on top of each other and they can’t speak the entire time, for fear of being found. Hutu’s raided the house several times, but managed to never find the hidden bathroom. Immaculee was 140 pounds entering the bathroom and was only 80 pounds when she came out. Miraculously, they leave the bathroom and make it to a nearby French camp without being killed. Immaculee literally stares down their killers as they are surrounded by machete-wielding killers. Besides a brother who happened to be out of the country when the bloodshed started, nobody in her family survives.

This book is not for the weak of heart. The stories that Immaculee shares are horrifying! It is unbelievable what humans can do to each other. I was stricken with grief and deeply saddened to know that this type of bloodshed on this type of scale still continues. It’s a very sad and disturbing account.

But what is absolutely amazing is Immaculee’s personality, character, and unwavering faith in God. She has many reasons to hate God, but she embraces Him and draws closer to Him now more than at any other time in her life. It’s not to say that she had her moments of pure hatred and negative thoughts. She describes it as:

The struggle between my prayers and the evil whispers that I was sure belonged to the devil raged in my mind. I never stopped praying . . . and the whispering never relented.

For three months, Immaculee prays nonstop. She finds that it is the only way to keep herself focused.

I realized that my battle to survive this war would have to be fought inside of me. Everything strong and good in me — my faith, hope, and courage — was vulnerable to the dark energy. If I lost my faith, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to survive. I could rely only on God to help me fight.

During this time of intense pray and meditation, Immaculee has several visions and moments of perfect clarity. One, is where she knows with absolute certainty that if a wardrobe is pushed in front of the bathroom door they will not be found. Another is when she literally sees their door being protected by a white, bright light which she can only describe as the protection of God over them. She also has a dream in which she sees Jesus standing in front of her and he tells her to “be at peace and trust in me, for I will always be at your side.” To dream of Jesus! That’s what I call being close to God.

Another moment of perfect clarity is when she is absolutely convinced that after the war is over, she would meet English-speaking people and would have to tell them what had happened. She knew that she would work at the UN (which she later did), where everyone spoke English. So what does she do? She convinces the pastor to give her some English books and a dictionary and teaches herself English while hiding out in the tiny bathroom! “I had to prepare to meet my destiny!” she says.

Through all of this, Immaculee is able to forgive her family’s killers and the nation as a whole. Many people asked how could she forgive when she had been so wronged? Her response:

We all shared in the misery that had descended upon the village, but I knew that the people gathered around me had lost much more than I had. They’d lost their faith - and in doing so, they’d also lost hope. [. . . ] I may have lost everything, but I’d kept my faith, and it made me strong. It also comforted me and let me know that life still held purpose.

Additional quotes that I loved from Left to Tell:

I was certain that God had a greater purpose for me, and I prayed every day for Him to reveal it to me. At first I was expecting Him to show me my entire future all at once - maybe with a flash of lightening and a clap of thunder thrown in for good measure. But I came to learn that God never shows us something that we aren’t ready to understand. Instead, He lets us see what we need to see, when we need to see it. He’ll wait until our eyes and hearts are open to Him, and then when we’re ready, He will plant our feet on the path that’s best for us . . . but it’s up to us to do the walking.

What a great quote and a great lesson for all of us!

Someone had once told me that it was important to visualize what you want to happen in the future, because doing so could actually help make it come true. Well, thanks to God, I’d become a big believer in that philosophy.

[ . . . ] I knew that whatever I envisioned would come to pass if I had faith and visualized it with a pure heart and good intentions, and if it were something God thought was right for me. It was then that I realized I could dream and visualize my destiny. I vowed that I’d always dare to dream for what I wanted. And I would only dream for beautiful things like love, health, and peace, because that is the kind of beauty God wants for all His children.

This is something my mom always taught me. The power of the law of attraction and getting what you want.

The following is a two part video of a short production and clip of Immaculee Iliabagiza discussing her experience. It’s worth the time to watch it.

EDITED TO UPDATE:  The videos are no longer available through YouTube.  I will re-add them when I can find new ones.

I could not help comparing this book to Elizabeth Gilbert’s Eat Pray Love (which I reviewed here). What a odd comparison right? One is about a woman overcoming depression and one is about a woman just trying to stay alive in one of the world’s most brutal holocausts. But both are similar in that both woman are searching and discovering their own spirituality and relationship with God. Having read Left to Tell, I’d recommend that you skip Eat Pray Love all together and instead read Left to Tell. Personally, I related much more to her philosophies of life and was amazed at the spiritual journey that she undertook.

For those readers who might be put off by how much “God” there is in this story, don’t be. She by no means pushes her beliefs upon us, but simply relates her story. Everybody from all walks of life would gain something from reading this book.

Visit Immaculee Ilibagiza’s website here and learn more about her amazing story. Immaculee has set up a charitable fund and all proceeds from the sale of Left to Tell go to orphaned children in Rwanda.

So did anybody actually make it to the end of this book review? I think it’s the longest that I’ve ever written. I told you that it so deeply impacted me that I had to slowly digest it for a while before I could write about it. This is one of those books that I think if you can get through the brutality and horoundendess of the Genocie is one that will change the way you think. It puts my life into perspective and makes me grateful for the blessings that I have.